A text message comes through as I'm writing this essay. Taylor passed away after a yearlong battle with an aggressive cancer, leaving behind her husband and two-year old daughter.
Several times death snuck into my life via text message. I was fuming over a passive aggressive email when my pap's message came in. My Aunt Michelle's message also came in as I was working. Messages about distant relatives and family friends, usually relayed by my mother.
The most unsettling text message found me at my friend's sloppy college apartment while we were watching the Superbowl. Drew Brees vs Peyton Manning. I walked back to my apartment, mid-game, tears flowing and ruminating on the absurd cruelty of some drunken hecklers who happened by.
Back then, I felt like I didn't have much to lose, just like Corey who overdosed on heroin. Today, I feel like I have everything to lose, and we just lost a family member with everything to lose.
That is the worst thing about losing people so young. Whether we realize it too late or not, we have so much to lose.
I've got a beach trip coming up next week. Our fifth time going down to this specific beach near our in-laws house, who are constantly nagging us to come down. In the past, I framed these trips as a chore, reluctantly tagging along.
Which reminds me of an overnight deep sea fishing trip I went on with my dad as an early teen. I remember being out in the middle of the ocean, in complete darkness. Seeing a school of squid. Most of all, I remember being a moody brat. My dad was trying to have a father and son trip he would always cherish, while I was treating the trip like a dentist appointment.
Taylor's death is a tragedy, but I am grateful for the slap in the face. Instead of sulking my way through another beach trip, I feel compelled to treat it like the special blessing that it is. And I am going to be there, fully present for my wife, kids and in-laws, as if this is the last beach trip we will ever go on together.
And maybe it is time to plan a trip with just my father and me, a fishing trip, before I get that text message about him.